![]() ![]() Absorbing yourself in a simple but unfamiliar activity will help you calm down enough and break the hold of your ruminative thoughts enough that you can do a productive activity at the end. The point is just to snap you out of ruminating. They might feel enjoyable, but that's not the point. ![]() People don't usually go from ruminating to feeling great in one leap. When you do these activities, they won't typically make you feel great. You don't have to pick an activity you think you would find fun.It won't absorb your thinking and prevent rumination. Why? When you're an expert, you can do an activity with your brain on autopilot. For example, knitting would be a good choice if you've never done it before, but not if you're an experienced knitter. It's important you choose an unfamiliar activity.Don't choose a performative dish like a fancy dessert.) (It only needs to be complicated enough to require thinking about what you're doing, whatever your culinary level is. Follow a recipe you've never made before.Play 3 rounds of a quick game with another person, like Charades.(Try this idea when you think you need several hours of distraction and absorption!) Follow a YouTube tutorial to learn how to solve a Rubik's cube.A stretch that's enough of a challenge you need to concentrate e.g., a yoga squat.Draw characters out of a children's picture book e.g., Peppa Pig.Make a model (e.g., little animals) out of clay and bake it.If these ideas seem a little strange, read the notes that follow to better understand why I'm recommending them. I even read him what I'd written on the bus going to my last appointment with him.Here are suggestions for very simple activities you can use. My therapist says it's a good thing to do. Even yesterday I finished off something I had started writing before. While grief and loss themselves are normal, catching things like these intrusive thoughts and not engaging with them is another challenge altogether.ĭo you do any writing or creative pursuits? I've written more stuff in the last 16 months than I probably ever have. I know I have an issue with associations. The only relief I've had was a brief visit to another part of the country. On the contrary it was necessary for me to protect myself from getting hurt by more people. That's not meant to sound like self pity. I left a volunteer job I'd had for 5 years because it hurt less to choose to isolate than be pushed away. Others were people I'd been friends with for years who started leaving me out of things. Some were mutual friends that I had met her through. In my case I lost most of my regular support system as a result. You can think "oh look, there's a thought about my ex." Welcome the thought in, accept it, but don't do anything with it, just think "fine you can stay as long as you want, but I've got stuff to do." Don't try and figure it out, or resolve it, or push it away. ![]() Tomorrow when you wake up and the thought hits, you can change the script - bit by bit. Anything you do to analyse the thought - or do anything with it - is engaging with the content and that process is under your control, even if it doesn't feel like it. This can be anything - trying to figure it out, dwelling on what it means/how bad it is/how miserable it makes you feel/analysing it, trying to push it away/make yourself feel better (or even make yourself feel worse - self-punishment/wallowing etc)/thinking about why it won't go away/thinking about how it is different from other thoughts/how time doesn't heal etc. Ruminating is what you do once the thought hits. But still it will fade if you just shrug your shoulders and allow it to fade, in its own time. If you've been ruminating on it for several months then it may take longer to fade, you will likely have a strong anxiety response. ![]() If you don't do anything with that initial thought, if you just let it lie there, don't push it away, don't try and figure it out, don't do anything with it, then it will fade relatively quickly. Rumination can feel very automatic, but it isn't. Rumination is what you then do with that thought. The intrusive thought is the first thought that arrives against your will. Intrusive thoughts and rumination can feel the same but they're actually very different. ![]()
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